This confounded Earth...!!

"Kenapa...?"

"Iseng aja."

Kadang-kadang aku tidak tahan untuk tidak memaki:

" M E N J I J I K K A N ! ! "

terhadap dunia. Tentang betapa dangkalnya cara orang berpikir - orang kebanyakan, orang rata-rata. Betapa dangkal apa yang mereka bicarakan dan lakukan. Bumi seperti dipenuhi mayat hidup. Meaningless, purposeless, empty. Just a bunch of stupid and cowardly zombies. Membosankan. And you know what I feel about zombies? I want to kick them on the head. What a sport!

In that case, I don't care if human extinct - because it also means that zombie extinct! (But that doesn't mean that I don't care if human perish!)

Aku tidak berbicara tentang nilai religius (orang religius tidak mungkin menulis seperti ini, Messieurs). Ini semua murni masalah mentalitas dasar manusia. Saking kosongnya kepala, mereka hanya bisa menerima jawaban remeh seperti, "Iseng aja." dibandingkan, "Karena aku menemukan hartaku disini." Mereka telah berhenti bermimpi sampai-sampai otak mereka tidak sanggup memahami metafora dan menyelam di kedalaman.

"Iseng aja.", titik. Phuh! Mereka bahkan tidak lagi mempertimbangkan akal rasional. 'Iseng' itu sendiri telah dianggap rasional - to do something without any cause, or to its highest meaning possible: to do something based on simple and shallow cause.



Sejak awal hidupku aku telah terbiasa hidup dengan mayat-mayat hidup. Aku terbiasa menentang arus. Aku terbiasa menangani mereka dengan cara yang halus, membiarkan mereka menjadi mayat hidup asalkan tidak memakanku. Tapi kini mereka mulai menghisap energiku,  menggerogoti impianku, mengatur jalan hidupku. Mataku pun mulai terbuka bahwa seluruh dunia ini memang sebagian besar berisi zombie. Harapanku bahwa suatu saat nanti dunia akan berubah menjadi lebih baik semakin memudar. Inilah realita, bahwa seumur hidup aku akan terus dikelilingi zombie. Sadar-tidak sadar akan selalu ada jiwa-jiwa pengecut yang menyebarkan kepengecutannya. Orang-orang yang cari aman, berlindung dibalik tempurung kebodohan dan doktrin buta.

And if you think I suppose to respect them, forget it! Forget it!! Penakut-penakut yang tidak berani menjelajah baik secara material maupun mental sama sekali tidak layak untuk didengarkan. Tentu saja! Memangnya apa yang mau didengarkan dari ketakutan imajiner mereka? Nothing's real! Untuk apa mempertimbangkan pendapat orang yang TIDAK MEMAHAMI?! Dan untuk Anda yang merasa menjadi zombie atau drakula yang menghisap energi makhluk non-bumi ini: MEMANGNYA APA YANG BENAR-BENAR ANDA KETAHUI TENTANGKU sampai-sampai merasa berhak untuk mengatur hidupku?!!



Aku bosan hidup dalam gempuran kedangkalan. Aku bosan dengan norma. Aku bosan dengan tradisi dan doktrin. Aku bosan mengikuti "what you SUPPOSE to be is...", "what you SUPPOSE to have is...".

I want to find my own guide, my own map, MY OWN WAY! I want to have a life BEYOND this dumb world could ever imagined! I want to follow my core desire, playing the game of destiny. After all, that is one element of "what every human created for": to fulfill one unique mission that's never been done before. Kenapa tidak semua orang bisa memahami konsep mudah ini? Kenapa tiba-tiba semua menjadi panik ketika aku hanya berusaha  MENJADI DIRIKU SENDIRI? Kenapa tiba-tiba semua menjadi diktator atas nasibku which is neither I nor them know even a bit about it??

Take heed, rotten zombies! It's for your own sake. Change, or I'll change you by force - no doubt that would be hurt. Am I clear? Well, if it's not, I'll make it really simple (especially for those who have no hope of becoming human anymore): just OUT OF MY WAY or I'll smash you juicy! (Yes. All of you. As long as you're an incurable zombie. Even the ones who're closest to me.)

NB:

I'm a man of my word.

Juste une petite lettre...

Mes cher amis dans la terre,

On ce moment, je voudrais dire seulement, "Merci beaucoup." Je n'est pas une personne que veulent faire le geste d'expression. Je suis désolé de n'avoir à vous offrir que ces mots monotones. Je ne suis pas une personne d'émotion, mais ma conscience n’est pas absolument tranquille, et que le remords je ronge... car une paralysie que j'ai pour revenir de votre bienveillance. Je ne besoin de votre compréhension pour nécessité de moi-même, mais c'est pour vous, absolument.

Voici la clé: jamais, que je voudrais faire de la peine à l'autre humain (au moins pas on ce moment). Pour de sante de votre cœur, faites confiance à moi, j'apprécie entièrement tous les soucis jusqu'à le plus d'ordinaire. Cependant, je ne peux pas indique de la conduite.

Enfin, sauf les mots en français désordonné, je n'ai pas de quelque chose pour vous remercie. Veuillez excuser le dérangement que je vous cause, et accepter l’expression de mes sentiments de respectueuse considération.

-Fin

Amusement (justru) by Purposelessness

"- ...C'est simple comme Lupin.

- Et c'est tout bêtement merveilleux, s'écria Ganimard..."

-Arsène Lupin en prison, par Maurice Leblanc

[caption id="attachment_167" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Babykailan's cat: Baobao"][/caption]

Simply funny.

Simply cute.

Simply smile-inviting.

Simply serene, contented, and happy.

Simply 'out of the box'.

Simply comforting.

Simply orange, fat, and flat.

Simply unique.

Simply adorable.

Simply extraordinary.

Simply priceless.

Simply wonderful.

Who would have thought that a cat could bring tons of amusement to many lives by simply lying himself flat on the floor?

Another mystery of the universe, but maybe it could use a simple answer as well: "some creatures were created just to make you feel good".

Ledakan Realita .1 | beyond the game

16.43 WF, my environment's releasing the same frequency as those of the paragraph below.

"One rainy afternoon. Sometimes lightning strikes the sky. The pouring water doesn't let another noise be attended. I'm alone in an abandoned Victorian house, investigating. I can't help a sad, mysterious background song playing on and on in my head, following me through my truth searching. Any slightest sound can easily make me feel the chilling sensation along my spine. The house generates dark atmosphere - the electricity doesn't work, only afternoon gloomy light slips through the arched-dusty windows after filtered by the grey-reddish clouds. My steps sound very crisp and clear among the old woods. I shall never let my consciousness leave me."

That's the sensation I got when playing a mystery detective game called "Scratches: Director's Cut". The eeriest game I have ever played. The visual elements are magnificent: the haunted house, the paths.. but what I really appreciate is the integration of the colors. I especially love the color of the cloud, reddish grey. But it's rather connected with my memory than the objective judgment of the visual art. I soon got entangled with the 'place'. I really want to be there, to breath the cold air, to rise my head to the sheltering sky, to feel the drizzle, the dry leaves under my boots, the calm surroundings, and most of all, the hidden secrets calling to be found, the mystery waiting to be solved. Ouh yeah... I can see my hands hold on each other and my beige trench coat waving in response to the challenge of the wind.

And there's another part of the game which is just as genius as the graphic interface - the background songs. They express one common semantics of longing, sadness, loneliness.. a sense when there's nothing but dead end, emptiness, when an important enigma seems can never be figured out. Combined with the 'environment', the total atmosphere created is perfect: silent threat, suppressed scream of the truth, concentrated hidden rage, theme of the tired souls struggling for freedom.

But somehow, in my case, it also produces another effect. It's relieving - as if my heart was filled by fresh water! Back to the paragraph when I pretend my self experiencing being the player. I'll call it as fun! The whole situation - the rain, the cloud, the wind, the house, the graveled paths, the woods behind the house, the muddy fountain, the pine trees, the mystery, me being alone - would be a good treat. The calm surroundings and the rhythm of the rain resonate with my meditating frequency, as if pressing pause button to the world, and yet the hidden secrets give compliment to my adrenaline. Complete excitement!

And one day, the real wind passed me as if bringing me news. It only happened for some seconds, but enough to make my heart beat far faster. Suddenly I felt the "Scratches game" atmosphere (I didn't think about it before!). Everything around me seemed whirling as if I was thrown into another place - strange and familiar at the same time. I experienced the 'dead-end' semantics, also the mystery solving urgency. Fear and excitement clashed in one intersection, resulted in massive confusion, just like the critical situation when the self trying hard to choose between 'fight' or 'flight' within the last seconds available. Out of the overwhelmed spirit, I decided to push my pause button, let the wind finish it's task. Then I tried to decipher those 'sensational' codes from the Owner of the Labyrinth: "There's a big difference between observing and experiencing. So, do you really want it?"

I'm in my 5th Labyrinth. My tendency to interpret anything as mainly negative has been gradually descending. I took the Creator's words as neutral ones. Simply "Do you really want it?", without any intention to take me down.

With this key, I soon found the core treasure:

"If you really want it, prepare yourself well because it shall come. But if you eventually don't want it, don't waste your time 'inviting' it!"

I contemplated, I decided: "I want it!". But imagining my self really plunge into the situation made me think that one practical yet formidable weapon could come in handy. So next time, I'll investigate with a well-loaded revolver ready in my hand.

One Strange Halloween Night

[tanggal asli penulisan: 090512]



[Knock, knock, knock!]

[I open the door.]

“Trick or threat?!!”

“You mean treat, of course! Wait a minute.”

[I’m about to fetch some candies.]

“No.”

[I stop, confused, looking at one of the two kids which wearing monster costume.]

“It’s threat.”

[She answers cooly. Then the other kid with ‘insane clown’ costume adds in cheerful tone, contrast with the ‘monster’.]

“If you refuse my ‘trick’methode, my friend here will give you ‘threat’ methode. Now, choose!”

<Me in healthy state>

[I contemplate.]

[I smile.]

“I choose BOTH!”

And I live happily ever after.

<Me in average state>

[I think.]

[I choose one of them.]

And I live an unbalanced life.

<Me in ‘black hole’ state>

[I slam the door.]

[I sleep.]

[And I experience a constant nightmare about the world in chaotic state every night.]

<Me, in the PRESENT time>

[I intuit.]

“I choose TRICK!”

Oh yeah. I’m still used to Uncle Snowy’s methode. I like Uncle Snowy, but I don’t know if I could like Uncle Harpy as well…

Uncle Snowy as Vampire Illusionist

[tanggal asli penulisan: 090512]



Ok, let's see.. Where am I?

Still in the 5th Labyrinth, the 2nd big turning: “The Intersections”. Uncle Snowy had introduced me to Uncle Harpy, but the training with him hasn't really begun - since I'm not yet ready for it.

Honestly, some how I've been attached to Uncle Snowy. I've started to understand him. The more I understand, the more I'm excited. It's simply a delightful feeling to know the difference between the creatures the Owner of the Labyrinth created: "Oh.. that's why you can rarely sad!" or "Oh.. I'm like this.. you're like that.. interesting!"

When Uncle Harpy was introduced to me, suddenly I felt that my time with Uncle Snowy will soon end. Really, I started to enjoy his joke, his tales and stories, his games, his silly riddles, his plays, his circus performances, his magic tricks, his surprises, his narcissism and shameless attitude, his bouncy gestures, his spontanity, his 'out of the box' methodes, his strange phobia of getting lost, his curiosity that sometimes threats my privacy, his relieving words that make me relaxed to face world problems, his happy way in approaching life.. even his pranks!



Despite my cynical attitude to him (boy, he never get bored by this sarcastic kid!!), deep down, I'll experience a great loss if he's away forever. But the Owner of the Labyrinth heard me, and gave me good news: Uncle Snowy will be my mentor (include as my Nemesis, my sparring partner) as long as I live!!

"That's rrrrrright, Maître! So, prepare for the next surprise!! Heheh.."

Something in me said that the upcoming Uncle Harpy will also be my permanent mentor. So.. there is Uncle Snowy, and there is Uncle Harpy - as long as I know now. Fine. Anything from the Owner of the Labyrinth will always suits me.

Anyway there’s more important point I’d like to write, still about Uncle Snowy.

***

“Wanna buy a cake, Miss?”

“No, Ma’am, sorry.”

It’s unbelieveable for me to see how much improvement I’ve made about my prediction to people’s behaviors. I, a semi-autistic, absent-minded person – if I may use the word ‘person’ – is being awaken, to become more aware of the environment! All the time, I only use my instinct for sensing danger (which is now proven that it always right so I can trust it fully). Then, in the present moment, I start to see that it can also be used in predicting human gesture in more neutral way: just to know what a particular person will do in some seconds forward.

That’s why, when I walked into canteen some hours ago, I knew already that one particular person about 5 meters from me, a mother carrying baby in a cloth sling guarding a bundle of white thin plastic bag, was not part of the ordinary people around her. Her appearence was very ordinary, though: white t-shirt, long trousers (jeans?), sandals, batik cloth sling, short-black (curly?) hair, had some wrinkles upon her face. What made her different, then? Before my mind could list and analyze consciously, “gesture of expecting attention, desperate face – so explicit to me, self-doubt, sense of urgent need to fulfill material things,” my instinct already said, “a saleswoman or some kind.. or could be an imposter as well!”. But actually, it’s not the gesture that made her ‘extraordinary’ in my eyes – it’s the aura. The aura of desperation. That was the real thing that made my mind generate or ‘break down’ the gestures which made it.

I also knew that she would approach me (but this ‘knowledge’ seemed come from nowhere, I just knew it). So I walked faster with my head looking the ground. But just as I thought, she gently interrupted my steps.

“Wanna buy a cake, Miss?”

I answered with a little smile, but without stopping, “No, Ma’am, sorry.”

It was a reflex. My unconscious mind and instinct of “Run away!!” led me. Now this is the real thing that I’d like to expand. About my tired mind. About me that sometimes can also be exhausted by life tricks.



My core desire to understand life had brought me to this juncture, the spot where I was introduced to Uncle Snowy by the Owner of the Labyrinth. There’s a credo written on the signage.

“To find the Truth, you must first know what is Truth. To know what is Truth you must also understand what is Lie.”

So, here I am, with Uncle Snowy since then. But this time somehow I found my self rather dizzy with his illusions. I stop forgiving anyone who played me fool. I give no chance to every potential trickster. I’m bored with those desperate faces, pleading voices, self-pitiness.. anyone who interpret me as semanticaly “can be fooled” or at the most true sense, “can help”. I’m bored with the guessing game – since I often lost from Uncle Snowy. I rarely be the winner.

“Hey, that’s not true! Vous êtes un maître, évidemment. Le maître des devinettes! Let’s give a try:

C'est un truand
Un gentleman
Un bon vivant
Étourdissant
Jamais perdant
Toujours gagnant…?”

“L'Arsène.”

“Eh, voilà!”

“Very witty. Very verrrry witty!”

“Oh don’t be so cynical, Maître. That’s your problem: you start to lose sense of humor!”

“I won’t deny it.”

“So what are you waiting for? Come, re-enjoy the game!”

“I’m just tired. I’m bored.”

“Alright. What do you want now?”

“I want some moment to rest my mind, out of the game!”

“Very well, it’s your lead. But remember your dream, Maître. The thing called ‘your ideal future’ will be full of lie-recognizing or truth-revealing.. anyway you’d like to call! I strongly suggest that you increase the stamina of your mind – and the endurance of the heart, body, and soul as well.”

“How?”

“One of the key is just be like me: enjoy the game!”

But I’m no Uncle Snowy. I need to ‘meditate’ so I can back to the game with the joy he always talked about. And here’s the result.

I’m not the one whose life is full of suffering, surviving, or struggling with the harsh world. I don’t need to worry about material things so I can focus all my resources to develop the abstract world of my mind. I grew up in a relatively supportive environment that self-pitiness can’t easily come to mind. I don’t know what the woman with the sad face come through. If I were her, I might do the same: approaching the potential person that maybe could at least accept her, that is to buy at least one of the cakes she offered. If I were her, there’s possibility that I might take the condition (anything that triggered her to try her luck selling cake on the road) even worse: do nothing, lay down, just like a depressed, irresponsible mother. Besides, if I recalled my memory now.. she was selling something – not begging! She indeed deserves an attention.

“Look at her carefully, kid,” suddenly Uncle Harpy said. “Now that’s what I called COURAGE!”

Oh dear me.. now I regret my attitude. But my mind found the reason why my instinct so strongly pushed me to ‘escape’ from her, beside my hatred to the probability of being fooled again (since her gestures were just like those of the tricksters I knew): it’s her EMOTION that overwhelmed me! Maybe I have no sensitivity in recognizing many kind of emotions, but I can acutely sense this one: the emotion that contains EXPECTATION. The more expectation put on me, the more I withdraw.

Expectation = To cling = To parasite = To drain

That’s right, Gentlemen: Vampire!

“Hahahaha... hoho..!! Now you suspect me of being a vampire?” Uncle Snowy broke.

“I don’t suspect you. I accuse you!”

“Hohohooo... alright, alright, I admit it! My tricks this time can drain your battery – if YOU let it! But what is life without variations, Maître. And... maybe it’s time for sharpening your forgotten blade!”

“Hein??”

“Le poignard vert, mon petit Eagloo, le poignard vert!”

“...no..”

Uncle Snowy nodded, grinning mischievously, while I slowly shook my head for I can’t believe what I’ve heard.

“No..”

“Ouh yeah..”

“You’re kidding. You’re always kidding!”

“Hey, not really! At least not this time.. and YOU KNOW that. Hehe..”

Then, with his well-known ‘springy’ steps, he moved forward while whistling and singing flamboyantly, leaving me with my storming brain.. and heart.

[Uncle Snowy Singing]

“…
Gentleman cambrioleur
A gagné le cœur.”



note:
The song excerpts: “L'Arsène” & “Gentleman Cambrioleur”
The comic excerpts: Pak Janggut (by Piet Wijn & Thom Roep)