Dear God | my anxiety

Dear God,

Thanks for all the miracles You give me the last 4 years. Shall I mention it? I guess so. Well, somehow the ones I remember most are the miracles about Uncle Snowy, so here they are:

. Semar-knight connection
. Those joker cards in such places
. The personality type of the men in the games
. Gambler-snowy adventure clues (tons of them!)
. Circus clowns & magicians clues

And there're more miracles, as outstanding as like the aboves:

. Today You sent me Ar, who's got more or less same problem with mine: daydreaming - although she's unlikely a 5 (9ish). My God, I'll try to interpret it as positive as possible: You want me to learn from her mistakes, so I wont experience the same in the future (inspite of You didn't send her to me to give a sign that I'll experience just the same with her). But I also got Your message that You're the Most Tolerant - a trait that I barely recognize - seen from how You give her lots of chances: 2 delays, plus the anomality of the time stretch that one rarely gets.

. The sun's still shining, the earth's still standing tough to support my postponed assignments. There're no riots or chaos whatsoever to enrage more of my inner turbulence.

. This laptop is still working despite my reluctant to use it in supposed way.

. You still gives me flood of clues/treasures/apples through many ways, whether it's movies, songs, books, etc.

Now that I've seen more clearly the miracles You've given to me, I know You're capable to give me even more miraculous miracles to overcome this anxiety.

You know my God? I think now there's an advantage not to be a master, that is, I can give up my direction to something higher, like You, so I wont be necessary to generate a hard effort for anything. It wont be myself to blame, but that 'higher' something - my uplevel master.

I don't know how much actually You give humans the degree of free will. Even I start to doubt it now, for I found there's a possibility that it's ONLY YOU who posseses it, as all the universe, including the humans, is just in Your 'mind'. It could be You who controls us all, like I control Uncle Snowy.

Of course, if I were You, how come I can be such anxious about what other people might consider a little thing? Well, my theory is, it's just an illusion. You put before every creature, an illusion that makes us think we're not You or part of You.

Why? Why are You just giving me this anxiety if I wasn't meant to be anxious?? There're lots of things I do not understand, my God, and I don't know either I'm meant to understand or not but my intuition said I'm meant to. As I've come to understand that there might be some kind of illusion, now I want to understand the solution as well. Please God, how to uplift the veil from the truth of my strength?

And why on earth You give me things I don't like?? Why do You often hide the good behind the bad and vice versa? Well, I know, I know.. that I already knew an answer which You've already approved infact: You love to play hide and seek. And I also realize that I love it too. But I never knew that this game can sometimes hurt.

So now, I guess I'll ask You the things I really-really need to get through the game.

Please give me courage if You don't want to give me insensitivity.
Give me strength if You don't want to give me senso-neural immunity.
Give me adversity if You don't always want to give me things that I love.
Give me thrill in fight if You don't intend to give me excitement in flight.

And most of all, give me the penetrating eyes to see through Your persistent illusions.

With lots of pleads,

[little blue riding hood]

Seni Representasi Bikin Geli

Ada sebuah event di Pasar Seni 101010 yang menurut saya (yang udik ini) 'lucu': Trashion. Saya pikir yang bergaya di 'catwalk' memperagakan semua produk itu adalah desainer2nya. Baru tau saya kalo desainer yang biasanya practical people bisa sepesolek itu. They're interesting to observe - just like every model in the world - dan lumayaaaan buat cuci mata, hehe..

Tapi ternyata, diakhir peragaan ditampilkan desainer2 sesungguhnya.. yang style-nya lebih 'masuk akal' sebagai desainer.  I can't help wondering, gimana kalo produk2 itu diperagakan oleh desainer2 aslinya? Hehehee.. Apa akan terlihat bodoh hanya karena mereka tidak punya keahlian 'bergaya'?

Terunik di Pasar Seni 101010..?

"Aku di pasar seni, ada yg mau nitip?" SMS saya ke keluarga siang2. Ayah saya bilang kurang lebih: "Pokoknya benda yang paling aneh."

Mulailah saya berburu dari stand ke stand. Namanya juga pasar seni, yang dijual pasti ada unsur seninya dari yang sederhana, rumit, sampai yang ga bisa dimengerti orang awam. Tapi sayangnya meski variasinya macam2, hampir semua formatnya biasa - setidaknya menurut saya. Kerajinan, aksesoris, souvenir, lukisan, patung, barang2 distro, jasa sketsa wajah.. biasa. Karya2 seni instalasi memang menarik, tapi tidak bisa dibawa pulang dan tidak ada yang menyentil jiwa saya (meski saya jelas-jelas tidak bisa bikin semua itu). Ada barang2 antik, tapi tidak ada yang out of the box.

Jam  17.50, 10 menit lagi sebelum pasar seni tutup, saya melewati lagi sebuah stand untuk yang kedua kalinya. Saya ingat waktu pagi pernah mampir kesini, dan saya sempat lihat2 benda itu, tapi saat itu tidak tertarik karena: 1. mahal men, 465rb!; 2. benda itu 'bukan saya'; 3. pengen mencari yang lebih unik. Tapi sekarang kondisinya beda: 1. uang agaknya tidak masalah (punya ortu); 2. benda itu sepertinya 'ayah saya banget'; 3. tidak ada yang lebih unik lagi setelah keliling2; 4. pasar seni udah mau tutup!

Saya tanya2 lagi lebih detil tentang benda itu ke yang jaga stand, saya cek2.. lalu saya telpon ayah saya, kasih tau deskripsi dan harganya. Entah lagi kelebihan duit atau memang tidak pelit, ayah saya tetap mau beli. Untungnya saya lagi bawa uang untuk biaya hidup selama sebulan. Dan saat benda itu saya beli, penjaga2 stand-nya bersorak, "Wow, ada yang mau!" Sepertinya itu benda termahal yang bisa mereka jual waktu pasar seni.

So, sodara-sodara, inilah benda terunik di pasar seni versi saya:

Pasar Seni ITB 101010

Ini (katanya) adalah pasar seni yang ke-10, diadakan tanggal 10, bulan ke-10, tahun 2010, dibuka 10 jam saja. Hari itu saya ke pasar seni untuk yang kedua kalinya (inilah keuntungan dari kuliah dengan waktu 'diatas standar', hehe..). Kalau saya bandingkan pasar seni 4 tahun yang lalu, yang sekarang lebih parah: padat-dat-dat!  Seingat saya dulu masih bisa jalan 'normal', tapi sekarang harus rela jadi siput. Most likely orang-orang se-Bandung hari ini berkumpul semua di ITB. Jalan dari jam 9.30-18.30.. mungkin ini jalan kaki terlama seumur hidup saya. Selain karena arus manusia yang kepadatannya kurang lebih 9 orang per meter persegi (bayangkan 9 keramik rumahan 33x33 cm, diatasnya 9 orang berdiri!) yang bikin lambat, juga karena saya memang pengen berburu barang aneh. Sampe rumah tulang paha rasanya mau copot.

Pasar Seni 2006

Pasar Seni 2010

A Kitten Under My Bed

One day I heard a faint meowing somewhere in my room. At first I thought it's just my imagination for it only lasted 3-4 times. Then I decided to play with it by replying, "meow, meow..," then it replied back!

A cat in my room which is located on the second floor? It could only be under my bed then. I admit there're lots of bric-a-bracs there, which can be potential 'home' for some insects.. but a cat?? My, my.. the level of chaos down there must have reached its peak!

So, to satisfy my curiosity, and to make sure that the cat didn't do anything dirty in my room, I had to 'dive' into the 'chaos' I've made myself under my bed. I took out some goods, searching any living thing with a flashlight. Then I found it, a cute kitten!

It still couldn't open its eyes fully and the movements were still awkward. It's already night outside and it was cold. I decided to keep the kitty in my room for a moment until the mom came. I built some simple shelter for it. The kitten kept meowing until I put my mp3-player, playing "Lullabye for a Stormy Night" by Vienna Teng near the cat.

remote muka rata

Suatu hari di Hotel Nalendra, Bandung, saya melihat sebuah objek yang unik:

Ehehehee.. hantu muka rata! Dari sekian banyak hotel yang pernah saya masuki, cuma di hotel ini yang remote-nya cuma punya tombol 3 biji. Another epitome of stinginess? Atau memang cermin dari rata-rata karakter penghuninya (vandalisme)? Hmm..

"Pengen aja..."

Uncle Snowy: "Hmmmm.. [smiling wide to Eagloo]"



Eagloo: "What?! What are you looking at? What are you up to? Kamu mau apa? Mau apa kamu??"

Uncle Snowy: "Cuma pengen senyum aja. Ga boleh?"

Eagloo: "Ga boleh! Everything must have REASON!"